“Irish twins” is a colloquial term used to describe siblings who are born within a short time frame, typically less than a year apart, sharing the same calendar year of birth. The term is not an official or medical classification but rather a cultural expression. It is believed to have originated from Irish-American communities, hence the name “Irish twins.” These siblings, while not actual twins, often share a unique bond due to their close age gap, and their parents may face distinctive challenges in raising children of similar developmental stages simultaneously. If you are a parent of Irish twins you generally know it because people will very quickly start saying it around you, even if you didn’t know what it means till it happened to you. At least in my case, that is what happened to me. I was like “Irish what? I’m not Irish?”
In any case, the first year with babies less than a year apart is hard. I can honestly reflect and say that most of it is a blur. I spent the three months after my son was born drinking a few cups of coffee a day and looking like a hot mess in the workplace. Still, it was a special time with many cuddles, kisses, and hugs. In my case, I had to go back to work when my second was just three months old. Also, I may add, I had no family living in the area so my case was extreme.
These are my top tips/hacks for survival in that first year of Irish Twins:
This post is directed at Mothers (although dads can also read this and learn too).
Embrace that you can not do it all and accept any offers for help. Be kind to yourself and accept that you cannot be perfect. Let your house be messy. Let the laundry and dishes pile up. Forget to shower. Forget to buy groceries. As John Lenon would say – let it be. Also, except any generous offers from friends, colleagues, relatives and neighbors if they want to do anything for you. Do they want to clean? Certainly! Do they want to bring you dinner? Yes, please! Do they want to play with your first born – Have at it! Don’t even feel bad about it.
Order your groceries and baby necessities online. In my case I ordered from Amazon Fresh.There are a million grocery delivery services out there but be careful of the surcharges. The advantage of online grocery ordering is that you can save stuff you order frequently on lists and just click to reorder – another huge time hack! If you need baby wipes and diapers, especially for two kids then I would recommend ordering online from Amazon. You can have them scheduled to be delivered once a month so if you are completely braindead from lack of sleep this is a real advantage because you don’t even have to think about anything. The diapers are delivered quickly with Amazon Prime and you didn’t do anything. The Amazon Prime membershipis a lifesaver when you need baby stuff constantly and need things immediately. Also, as a side bar, when you are sitting around post-partum doing a million loads of laundry you can listen to any music you want through their amazon prime music, and watch a million movies and shows through the prime videofunction.
Arrange for a meal-train for the first three months and/or beyond. A meal- train is when you ask a best friend to email all your friends and relatives to bring you food for the first month and beyond of your child’s life. There is actually a website that makes it really easy for you and your friends to keep track (mealtrain.com). You will have no time or energy to cook if you want to focus any energy on your new baby and current baby. Accept any and all food. If anyone asked me what I wanted after my second baby was born, I asked for a gift card that I could use to order groceries, or buy whole foods prepared foods (healthier dinner for postpartum).
Simplify Meal Preparation: If you do have to cook, opt for quick and easy meal options that require minimal preparation, such as one-pot meals or make-ahead freezer meals. This way, you can spend more time with your children and less time in the kitchen. When I was pregnant with my second I started cooking three months prior to my second baby’s arrival. I made doubles of everything – lasagna, ziti and make ahead meals galore. I love the American Test Kitchen Make Ahead Cookbook for this purpose.
Relinquish control and let your husband be the primary parent the first month postpartum. The hardest part for me after my second was born was to give up on the idea that I could keep parenting like I was before. With a newborn sucking up all my time and energy, my husband had to step in and do everything. As hard for me as it was, I let him. He did the bath routine and put my first born to bed every night and was there for her when I couldn’t be. As hard as it was for me, trying to give her attention postpartum while taking care of a newborn, I also made it a priority to at least read her a few books every night and give her at least 15-20 minutes of snuggles and cuddles. When they are this young, it is hard to give up the reigns, but you have to. Certainly there will be mistakes, and strange outfits but it will all work out. My first born doesn’t even remember that period of time or even life before her brother was born because she was only about to turn one when he came into the world. Trust me, it’s harder for you than for them.
Try to eat healthy. Yes, I know I told you to order take out. But, if you can feed yourself the healthier versions of takeout, you will feel better. If you don’t fuel yourself the right way you are on a crash course for burnout. Be kind to yourself and order salads and/or a protein with vegetables and not only cheeseburgers and fries. You are recovering postpartum and your baby is also getting nutrients from what you eat. Do yourself and your baby a favor and try if you can to make it healthy.
Hire help when you can. If you are a working mom like me, this goes without saying your time is more valuable than anything else. Since you are obviously not going out and spending money when you have two babies at home… save yourself some time and headache and just hire someone to wash your clothes, clean your house and mow your lawn. Feel good about it too because you can save that time for extra cuddle sessions with your first born who will be seeing less of you.
Carve Out Quality Time: Find moments to spend one-on-one time with each child. Even short periods of focused attention can make a significant difference in strengthening your bond with each child. In the case of the toddler, it will be most difficult to find time with them because any new mom can tell you newborns need a lot of quality time and attention, there is no way around it. I always like to make sure that in the evenings I had my mother or my husband care for my newborn so I could give focused attention to my one year old at that time, since I had spent most of the day with my newborn anyhow. The balance of managing two babies under two is a difficult tightrope to walk and there is no easy way around it, someone will always be vying for your attention from now until infinity. Do your best and don’t give up.
Be Flexible: Accept that not everything will go according to plan, and be flexible in adjusting to unexpected situations or challenges. When you have two babies anything could happen at any given moment. Just take it day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute.
Get Organized: Keep essential items like diapers, wipes, and snacks within easy reach to minimize disruptions during your busy day. In the case of my house, I have a changing pad diapers, wipes, diaper cream, snack and water both upstairs and downstairs. Sometimes you just don’t want to go upstairs. Same applies to cars. We had two diaper bags in BOTH cars, who wants to remember carrying a bag when you have so many other things to remember. Brain power is valuable when you are going on very little sleep.
Embrace the Journey: Accept that not everything will go according to plan, and be flexible in adjusting to unexpected situations or challenges. Take mental snapshots of your babies because they will not be this small forever. Understand that someday you might look back and think, how the heck did I manage to do that? Just know you will manage to do it…humans are built to endure all kinds of extremes and you will thrive and so will your little darlings.
Utilize Baby Gear: Invest in baby gear that allows you to multitask, like baby carriers or baby swings, which can keep your younger child content while you attend to the needs of your older child. I really did my research during my second pregnancy and you can check out my other posts that explain my top recommendations.
Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial to being an effective parent. It is so hard trying to find time to invest in yourself when two tiny people are sucking the life energy out of you. Granted that you are totally happy to give them all your attention but you matter too. Try to find moments to rest, exercise, or do something you enjoy, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. Once I had healed postpartum I liked to take baths, during maternity leave I would take long walks in the woods or eat way to much ice cream and chocolate. Again, it is not advisable to do this all the time but a little bit of a cheat is good now and then.